Mayor Nutter wants to tax all sweetened drinks sold in the city, 2 cents an ounce. This move is unprecedented and borderline genius. We haven’t seen something so creative since Mayor Street made the boy scouts admit gay scout leaders or pay market rent in their city owned building.
Although taxing sweetened drinks is brilliant, I was thinking about ten other things that would have been better to tax.

1. Flash mobs. We can levy a per participant tax, or simply tax the entire group based on size. Getting punched in the face or having your business ransacked might be a little easier if we all know they are paying to play. $5 per participant, $100 for groups up to 25.
2. Shooting tax. No more going around shooting up the neighborhood without paying the price. Yes that’s right, you shoot up your hood, youre going to pay us by the bullet. Keep using those automatic weapons, because when those guns are ringing so are our registers. 25¢ a bullet.
3. Speaking tax. This is kind of impeding upon our constitutional rights, but hey, we need the money. And anyway, we all have those people in our lives who don’t shut the hell up. Maybe this will do the trick. 1¢ a word.
4. McDonalds. Big Mac = Big tax. 1¢ a calorie on everything across the board. Mickey D’s will go from turning us into fat cows, to becoming a cash cow.
5. Homeless. They’ve been reaping our spare change without being taxed for too long. 25 % of all earnings in exchange for sidewalk rental.
6. Walking tax. This would will get a little tricky because everyone who enters the city limits will have to wear a GPS enabled pedometer. $1 per mile.
7. Blue jeans tax. It will be like purchasing a dress down day. $1 everytime you want to wear blue jeans. We can also use sweat pants here.
8. Obesity tax. Every other city block will have a scale installed which would be monitored by a weight specialist (job creation!). Your will be charged $1 for every pound you are over weight. You can only be charged once a month to give you time to get in shape.
9. Gentlemans Club tax. 50¢ per boobie seen. $1 per boobie that makes contact.
10. Voting tax. We will now see who your voted for, and you will be charged 50¢ for a successful vote, and $1 for voting for a loser.

There it is. Lets vote on that and ride these taxes until we become the next El Dorado.

Guck Money records is going to be very diverse.

Beelzebub steps out of the karaoke nightmare into a personalized cover about the coming of the end of days. This highly original song from the depths of hell will both charm and frighten you! Jeffro Bodine was possessed and features on guitar. Video directed by Sarah Palin.